Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
