Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
He passed out mid-signature
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
