Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
