You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
