Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
