my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
