As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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