that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
