I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
