so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
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