I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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