i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
