Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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