Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
