I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
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Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
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I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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