sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
it's great music for shaving your balls
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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