I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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