On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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