Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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