i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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