I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
