He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
