Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize