I look better un-naked...
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize