i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Barsexuality is the new black.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
There are leaves in my underwear?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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