i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
The uberlube is also flammable
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
