Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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