i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Are we still banned from the library?
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
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