porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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