I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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