i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
