before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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