I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
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