I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
