I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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