whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
