I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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