I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Randomize
