apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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