your thong is hanging out like whoa
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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