i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Randomize
