There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
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While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
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In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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