you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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