Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Randomize
