I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
