the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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