Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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