when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
