dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
