guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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