everyone is single if you try hard enough
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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