dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
