I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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