At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I'm having to shit out rocks
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