You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Randomize
