Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize
