It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
