Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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