I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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