covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
