I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Randomize
